Carry On!

Ni Hao Everyone!

So this week was a hard one. Last week was hard too but in a busy way. This week was hard emotionally. It started off with the oldest district in our zone leaving. I said goodbye to five powerful elders and I look forward to seeing how their missions go. Still, It was good hearing from them one last time and being able to see how excited they were to head off to Three British missions, and Two California missions. They are going to do great. Still I was riding off of an emotional high from last week so my district and I soldiered on happy for them and ready to take on our role of being the leaders in the Mandarin Branch. Tuesday started out fantastically, so many things to do and a devotional to look forward too that night I was very excited. Tuesday we got the privilege to hear from Kim B Clark of the Seventy and he gave a wonderful talk about what makes a successful missionary some of my favorite lines/quotes/impressions were:

"You are acting as angels because you are angels."

"To be a good missionary let me tell you that it has nothing to do with personality."

"They are Obedient to both the rules and impressions from God."

"They have the Spirit, they tell inspiring stories and avoid that which would drive the spirit away."

"They Love the people."

"The most powerful thing you do is WHAT you do."

And then he ended with a powerful story about a boy from Idaho who in his teens decided to run away from home and join a motorcycle gang. He was with the Hell's Angels for nearly twenty years before he woke up one day in New York and realizing that he had no idea on how he had gotten there. Drove all the way to California to one of the 'safe houses' where he tried to sober himself out. While sitting on the front porch of this house he saw two missionaries walk by. He just sneered at them when they started towards his gate which was guarded by two attack dogs. However, to his immense surprise just as the elders opened the gate the two killer dogs simply went to the base of their chains and fell asleep. Too surprised to say anything he watched as the missionaries came up to him on the porch. One of them smiled and nodded at him while the other asked where he was from. Looking at them warily he responded with his home town in Idaho. The elder paused and then asked if he knew two names. He nodded once and then responded "They're my parents." The missionary blinked nodded once and then said. "They're my parents too." While this revelation blew the man away the Elder then had the state of mind to continue. "God has sent me here to invite you home." And he did. He went home he cleaned up he got to know this brother he never knew he had. The end of the story is that just about a year ago he was sealed in the temple to his wife.

This was a powerful story for me. One about love and about how God shows his love. There are no lost causes, we are all of infinite worth to God and He will put us exactly where he needs us to be. I don't know who's out there that needs me right now but there is someone who needs my exact words. While it's probably not going to be a long lost brother/prodigal son there is a brother or sister in Christ who needs me to invite them home.

So afterwards we came back from devotional and had our district review which turned into a zone review since at that moment we only had two zones. It was very powerful we had some great insights. I loved Elder Welch's testimony about being where we needed to be and loving the fact that this is His work and His glory and we are just the tools. I got a powerful impression about my Pride thoughts, which was that when they come don't squish them redirect them towards God. He is the standard of all success. Overall it was a beautiful and powerful night.

And then once we had said goodbye to our presidency and to the other district the seven of us knelled down to pray and Elder Welch told us that he was going home in the morning.

It was heartbreaking. To see him smile at us and say that he didn't know if he was going to be okay but there wasn't anything else he could do to get better at the MTC. Up until the very end he had been studying Mandarin and laughing with us. We had known that there was something wrong with him for the last couple of weeks but he did his best to act completely normal while he was around us. Listening to him tell us all how grateful he was for all of our testimonies, I got an overwhelming feeling of love. The Love the Heavenly father had for Elder Welch and the love that Elder Welch had for each of us. I knew that Heavenly father was going to take care of him and while I might not see him again for a long time. God had a plan for him and it was going to be okay. I didn't start crying until I got back to the dorm but once there I got to bear a powerful testimony of the truths I had learned to my room mates. I don't know what's happening with Wei Zhong Lao but he will remain in my prayers until the end of my mission. He was one of the greatest examples I have ever met and I hope to be able to give him the hug of comfort that I so desperately wanted to give someday.

The difficulties of the rest of the week came from feeling the absence of our district leader very keenly. I was also having a difficult time health wise the last half. I'm actually still very weak and tired even as I write this. But I have learned so much from God this week. Lessons on patience and Love and Enduring to the end. On being Diligent and on paying attention to the spirit. I wish I had more time to explain every moment that's been going on in my head but I have my first Skype teaching session with a member in Taiwan tonight and Sister Erickson and I have to prepare.

I love you all and I hope that you can feel that love. I'm striving desperately to have the love of Christ that I have seen so clearly this last week in my heart and in my prayers. You are so very loved. By me and by God. Always by God.

Till next week.

Sister Skinner.

Craziest Week Yet!

Savannah with Sister Erikson last week outside the Provo Temple

Hello Everyone,

 

So Monday night I went to bed fairly satisfied feeling like I had gotten a lot done for P-Day that day. Then in the middle of the night I was woken up as Sister Hughes and Sister Roberts packed up some stuff to take with them to the ER as that was the only place open at 3 AM. I was still half asleep but I do remember sister Erickson telling them to take pictures. There were in fact many pictures taken. That is definitely a day that we will not be forgetting anytime soon. So 6:30 comes and the day starts and we are missing our room mates and I'm getting really worried about the fact that they aren't back yet. Within the hour sister Erickson and I were called to the front desk to head to the hospital because Sister Roberts would need a companion while Sister Hughes was in surgery to take out her appendix. So after leaving a brief note to our Elders about where we were going and picking up some food for Sister Roberts we were put into a van and taken to the Hospital. (If any of my BYU friends felt their ears burning on Tuesday it was because I was telling my companions about you in an effort to lighten the mood.) 

 

President Newell was out of town for the day but we did manage to call Brother Averett and he was able to come in and give Sister Hughes a blessing before he surgery so it was all good. She had caught the pain pretty early so her appendix hadn't burst yet and she was a little lower on the priority list so she didn't get into surgery until almost 11 We got to spend this time in the waiting room talking to some amazing people. It was actually one of the best experiences I had that day. A woman actually bought us lunch from the Hospital Cafeteria, her exact words were "Please let me buy lunch for you. I need the blessings." What can you do in that situation but nod and let her do it. It really drove home the point that was told us this week before we entered the cafeteria: That a food offering to us while being called as missionaries is an offering to God. She said those words with such conviction that I knew the meal I was about to eat was going to bless her Family... I didn't think I would ever say anything like that but this week has been one of the most interesting of my life and I really hope I'm able to get everything down today. 

 

Anyways, while eating there were other things I noticed about being outside of the MTC. The first being is that the Black Badge really is the most noticeable thing about me right now. As long as I have that on I will be seen. I could feel eyes on me constantly and it made me realize how much of a representative I really did pledge to be when I sent in my papers. For as long as I wear that tag I will be seen and known as a representative of God and at least in Utah that means that people will just feel comfortable just coming up and talking to me and my companion like they've known us for years. The other thing that really stuck out to me was the fact that I could see the difference between the people who had the gospel in their life and the people who didn't. The contrast was probably made much more apparent by the fact that we were in a hospital, a place of extreme emotion and feelings. But there was something there. While the woman and her family who fed us and talked to us about their Brother/Son/Husband/Father who had accidentally shot himself in the foot and was getting it amputated the same time that Sister Hughes was getting her appendix out She told us about the miracles that had brought them all to the hospital, for the blessings that she could see in her life. About how the spirit was speaking to them as a family and the power of the promptings it gives. We had a fantastic testimony sharing experience in that cafeteria that day. Anyways after Sister Hughes got out of surgery we found out that we could get her out of the hospital in a couple of hours and we were back at the MTC by 4 o'clock that afternoon just in time to see the Elders and make sure sister Hughes got to the room safely before getting dinner and heading to choir practice. This was a significant decision as both Sister Erickson and I were exhausted and we would have liked nothing better to join Sister Hughes and Sister Roberts in going back to the dorm and going to bed several hours early. However the night before, during planing, I had felt a strong impression that I needed to go to choir. The choir teacher here is a really cool guy and going to choir is often like going to a secondary devotional. So sitting at the dinner table with sister Erickson looking at me with exhausted eyes I got the impression again that we needed to go to choir. So we did. 

 

To be honest I didn't feel that spirit that I was expecting to feel from such a clear prompting but hey we were there so we might as well stay for devotional... I am so grateful that we did. Elder Hugo Montoya spoke to us and that was the strong spiritual experience I had been waiting for. He spoke with much power and told some fantastic stories. By the end of it I felt spiritually edified and fed. And then we went to the district review where I got some powerful insights from Elder Welch, Elder Joly, and Elder Ramanlal all of which I would have missed if Sister Erickson and I had decided to head back to the dorms and sleep. Promptings are important and what I just wrote wasn't even half of what really happened that day. But the rest of the week was also busy so I'm forced to move on. 

 

The next day our district was called out to host the new incoming missionaries for three hours. This was also a great experience as it kind of marked our half way point. Watching the families come in and helping the new sisters feel more comfortable was a great experience and I'm looking forward to doing it again this coming week. 

 

Thursday Wu LaoShi had us go out side in search of leaves to write get well notes on to Sister Hughes. I also got some good lessons on teaching from one of the younger districts. Speaking of districts the oldest Mandarin learning district. (Also known as the Boy band) are heading out this week. I'm going to miss those Elders they had some great lessons to share with us and some hilarious stories to tell But the Liss twins, Elder Anthony, Elder Holybrook, and Elder Hales are going to do great in their missions and I'm grateful for the leadership they were able to give our zone. 

 

I don't remember Friday... Saturday we had TRC and another outside hunt to find a rock to write a number on in order to see who had the closest number to Wu LaoShi's and whoever did got to sing the class a solo. (These activities really do make class much more exciting.) I also ran into a wall on Saturday but both the wall and I were okay. 

 

Sunday started out like it normally would. A bit more time getting ready in the morning. Long enough that I was shaping my eyebrows. (As my family knows I like to do) it was early enough that morning that as I was doing them I got nervous about plucking a certain hair so in my mildly sleepy state and with all the faith that being a month out into the MTC brings I prayed about how I should do my eyebrows that morning. Anyways after that little adventure we had breakfast, and then headed to class so Sister Erickson could go to her 'council' meeting. While I sat in the classroom and wrote my talk for church. Elder Welch got called as our new district leader last week and so he was gone too which left me with Sisters Roberts and Hughes, and then with Elders Ramanlal and Joly we all kind of knew what was coming. Being in the MTC means switching around callings a lot so that everyone can have the experience of leading and with the Boy Band leaving that was going to make our district the most experienced district in the MTC learning Mandarin right now. Sister Erickson has also been in her calling as Sister Training leader for longer than expected. So it was of no surprise to us when near the end of the meeting, President Newell walked in and asked Sister Hughes and Sister Roberts to come in and then asked Elder Ramanlal and Elder Joly to come in as well, then he looked over at me and said "Oh, we can't leave you in here alone can we? Well you can come along too, that'll be just fine." Like I said we all knew what was coming. Even though only Sister Erickson had been called as the Sister Training leader usually they call companionships. (They didn't because when she was called there really was just us four sisters in the Zone, but by the end of this week there will be 11 so calling a companionship this second time around would make more sense.) Also because I am Sister Erickson's companion I went around helping her with a lot of the duties that she had been called to do so I we all really knew that Sister Hughes and Sister Roberts were going to be called. So we walked into the room, it was really crowded but we managed to all find seats. Brother Averett handed out the leaders binders to Sister Roberts, Sister Hughes, Elder Joly, and Elder Ramanlal and the meeting commenced and then just after President Newell announced that Elder Joly and Elder Ramanlal were going to be called as the new Zone leaders he looked over at the Sisters side of the room and very simply said. "And we will be blessed by the leadership of these fine three sisters." Now, I thought he had misspoke. (He does that from time to time.) and so I didn't say anything, but then he looked me in the eye and said. "You weren't going to be called, but as I saw you walking into the room, just like the Lord was speaking right next to me, I heard a voice say, 'She will lead.'" 

 

Well, this next part is going to be odd but my very first thought was. 'This is because I prayed about my eyebrows this morning.' and suddenly the spirit was testifying to me that if I wanted to become the leader that president Newell had just prophesied I'd be I needed to keep praying about all the decisions in my life including praying about my eyebrows. Now here's another sentence I never thought I'd say. I got called to be a sister training leader because of my eyebrows. And so President Newell bore a powerful testimony about the Lord calling who he needed to call and I just sat there in mildly stunned silence as the spirit told me about the power of prayer and how I was going to do a great job if I kept praying sincerely to the Lord. 

 

So after that, meeting there was a sister's conference that was another powerful witness about prayer and about how faith brings miracles, and a question about whether or not we are holding on to our weapons of rebellion without realizing it. We then went to relief society and then to Sacrament meeting where everything was on the power of faith. There were some great analogies about how faith works and I wish I had more time to tell you about this but there is still more to tell. After dinner I went to choir again this time on splits with the newer district Sisters Bello, Greenhaugh, Hendrix and  I enjoyed choir and for devotional we got to see a seek peak of the Church's Christmas campaign this year. And then we went to the after movies. I got to see one of Bednar's first devotionals to the MTC and holy cow that was such a powerful and amazing experience for me. I could really feel the spirit and by the end of his "Becoming a Missionary I was on such a spiritual high that I sang for the rest of the night. 

 

This email only covers a few of the life changing and growing lessons I've learned this week. I've been feeling so blessed and so loved. I also wanted to include my letter I sent to President Newell this week so you all can get a feel for what's been going on in my head this week. So this is where I'm going to end. I love you all and I hope you all have great weeks. The lessons are there for us every day we just have to look for them.

I'm not sure how to start this. I'm never sure how to start a story when I'm not sure where the end is yet. But these scenes will start up in my head. A moment where something inside of me says 'that was significant' and suddenly I can see my life down on a page. Words flowing into images and bringing out life to someone who wasn't there in that exact slice of time. Yet now there is something there, something shared. We are made out of parts and pieces and we grow when we share those parts with other and they share their pieces with us. Elder Montoya said something that really stuck with me this week. "Love the people who change you life." If that statement is to truly be followed then I must follow the saviors advice and love everyone because every new person I meet changes me in some way.

This week I have truly grown to love the people who are currently in my life I pray for them daily and have learned to have supreme patience when dealing with the pieces of them that don't quite fit into the collage that is my ever changing self. My spiritual fast is reaching a point of fatigue I don't always have the strength to go on. And then someone else needs my strength and suddenly I realize that I can make my strength last out for them. In giving away of my pieces I gain the strength needed to keep moving forward. 

God is the author of my story, and though I stumble and feel inadequate, He sends me reassurance from time to time that I am playing my part. That I am giving when needed and overcoming when not. I still make mistakes, my lines are not always the ones that he would have me say, but I am trying. Trying to overcome my self-centeredness, trying to let that still small voice be my prompter and my muse. My story is far from over and starting up a new every day will get me no where. I must build on what is given me and reach out from there. God created the book, we choose our own subplots, and he makes sure that in the end we will all be able to reach that final happily ever after. The pieces will eventually fit. I can learn to be kind and gentle and patient with those of whom I associate and by so doing will be able to become a great author of my own part in the Great Writer's story. 

I have learned much. 

I am grateful for your advice. 

I pray for those in my district that are afflicted and hope that you can comfort them in ways I can not.

God is my author, and I can live up to the vision he has for me.

Thanks for everything,

Sister Skinner,

Ran JieMei

A Week of Thoughts

Hello Everyone!

So this week's been an interesting one if only because everything has been so internal. I'm learning so many little lessons that I'm having a hard time describing them because they just keep adding up. Anyways, last Monday I got a challenge in the form of a talk under my door to be more spiritually connected, and I've started what the talk described as a spiritual forty day 'fast' in an effort to feel the spirit more abundantly in my life. I am now on day six of my fast and it's been much harder than I thought it was going to be the three things I've decided to 'fast' from. Are as follows:

1. No more "When I get home..." thoughts. My mission should be like my time at the temple, purposefully timeless. This time I have here is going to end so much sooner than I think it will and it does me no good to think about a time far off when I have today to focus on. 

2. No more internal stories. I'm sure some of you are looking at your screen and wondering if I'm going to be able to accomplish this one. Plot is just the way I think. I enjoy bringing in characters and concepts into my head and just see the world through the lenses of a fairy tale. This has been the one that I've had the hardest time with so far. Just in the little moments while cleaning during service, or walking between classes my mind tends to wander. But once again this is something that pulls me away from the people in front of me. The gospel should be my focus and I have tried really hard this last week to live in the moment. 

3. No more searching for the pride of the world. Or more internally no more comparing myself to others. For good or for bad. This is something I've struggled with for a long time and this one has also been hard to try and work around because it's such a habit to look for ways that I can get recognized for my actions. I feel like an awful person just for writing it out but there it is. I am a prideful person and this week trying to completely rid myself of those thoughts and actions has been very difficult. Still I do feel like I am getting somewhere and even if this is a 'fast' that I have to struggle with for the rest of my life I will because that's the type of person I want to be. 

4. And then in place number four, which really isn't a fast but more of a nourishment is a goal to really read the Book of Mormon and study from it in all my free time. This one has really helped me the last week. I thought I would be able to listen to music more but it's banned in the MTC dorms so I've only been able to listen to the occasional conference talk in the mornings. I think that void was just leaving me time to think/drown in my own thoughts and worries. Now there's something for me to really do during the night and it's been really nice. 

I've really had to struggle with these four items at times this week and last night the last couple of hours or so I just felt really discouraged about it all. I didn't feel like anything had changed in me even though I was getting close to a week of really trying to get through this. I went to bed simply relieved for the chance to be unconscious and not have to think about anything. And then this morning we went to the temple. I'll start with the fact that I love temple trips they're wonderful things. But this one really spoke to me. Sitting in the celestial room after the session I just started pouring out my soul to God and I got a couple of impressions I'd like to share with you.

Firstly I got the distinct impression that everything was going to be alright. I can and will make it though this mission. Even though some days really do feel like a struggle just to make it through the day, I will be able to find great joy in this service to the Lord. He wants me to find joy in it.

Second off, Is that I am protected. There were a couple of times yesterday where something happened and I just suddenly felt very venerable and scared. Today I got the reassurance that Christ is going to protect me through this. There are people watching out for me and they are not going to let me down. 

Thirdly is that I am here for a reason. I have been called. That realization may sound almost repetitive but it's something that I don't think I really believed until this morning. Some part of me was worried that I left more for myself than for God. But while sitting in the temple I could feel the words in my mind. "I have called you for a reason." It was such a powerful moment and I hope I can live up to that calling. 

Anyways, I feel like my emails really are just time for me to tell you what's going on in my head instead of around me. Sorry about that. Still, it's not to late to repent. This week we had Richard G Maynes come and speak to us on Tuesday about making sure that we are constantly reaching out. One of the lines he said was that "We don't know we're living the story until it's over." (This did not help my 'fast' at all my mind immediately went to how perfect that line would look as chapter title) Still, when thinking about it later I realized that this is my story and it's my chance to make it a good one. He also talked about being on fire with the spirit. It was a very good devotional but all of them are so... My district got picked to host this next week. So we're going to be doing that on Wednesday. Guiding the new missionaries in to the MTC. Sounds like fun, here's to hoping the weathers good. Ge LaoShi went to Texas this week for four days so we got to meet and be taught by ALL the Mandarin teachers and it was kind of fun (There happens to be four Li LaoShi's at the MTC and it's a bit hard to differentiate when talking about them.) The language is also really picking up. I feel a bit like I'm falling behind in memorization but as long as I can still testify I'll consider that good. 

So yes, that's my week (roughly) I hope you all have fantastic weeks and you'll hear from me again next Monday.

-Sister Savannah Skinner

We are made of dust

So now that time is moving on I feel like every day at the MTC gets better than the last. Which I am told is an unusual opinion to have but hey whatever I'm going to keep my good mood for as long as possible.

The Lessons I've learned this week have been long and difficult ones. If only because they are much more internal than external at this point. This week was hard on my district as there was a lot of negativity floating around. I was very bothered by it. I still am whenever it comes up. On Tuesday we were sitting in add study waiting for class to start and I don't know how the ball got rolling but I was sitting quietly getting more and more frustrated with the people around me until I heard the phrase. "I just don't even look forward to class anymore." I kind of snapped. For the people who know the story of my Jr High and High School years well. I pulled a seventh grade choir on them. I stood up and told them that they were wrong. That they're focus determined their reality and that as long as they believed class was going to be hard for them it would be. I was in the middle of my 'lecture' when my companion just stood up, walked out, and said "I'm done with this." and suddenly everything came crashing down. I didn't have authority to tell them what to do. I didn't have the right to speak to them like that. And the last time I did something like that I was then shunned by a good portion of my peers for years to come to the point where my sister when asked if she was related to me got told that 'oh, that's too bad, I don't like her very much'. I nearly started crying in study time right there and then. It felt like none of the people I'd gotten to know over the last several weeks would look at me and I couldn't help but start wondering what the next seven weeks would be like if I was under the silent treatment. I really did just make a much bigger deal out of it then I should have. But part of the reason I apologize so much is because when I was younger and more forceful I ended up pushing people away and now I have fear that if I say or do something wrong I will be punished socially. Anyways it all turned out all right, I apologized to my district and they forgave me for telling them what to do. Ge LaoShi had interviews that evening and I got to talk to him about some of the complaining and negativity I had seen with my peers and he and Wu LaoShi have really come together to try and fix it. 

They weren't able to completely fix the problem though. 

Words are powerful things that can make or break a situation the way you say things is powerful and dynamic. Just a complaining word here and there can completely color others perception of you. Take this principle and apply it with the fact that we currently live in a society where complaining is a good story. When something bad happens we go tell someone about it because it's a way to 'connect' as it were. So it all accumulated on Friday night when I got pulled aside by our sister trainers (Who aren't really our leaders as they are in the other Mandarin zone, but were the only other sisters speaking Mandarin until this week.) Who told me that we were gaining a reputation as the negative district. This was really disheartening for me as I love the people in my district and even though it was hard week for them I didn't feel like a week of down was going to be enough to hurt others perception of us. Also it was hard because I'm not sure how to fix it. Telling them they were wrong wasn't the way to do it and yet I didn't want them to have to go through the difficulties of having to push through preconceived notions. Also we had a new district come into our zone this week and I really felt like we needed to be an example to them. 

Along side all of this happening I was struggling with my own problems. I felt like the spirit was inconsistent in my life. It was there with me some times and other times it just wasn't. When the Trio (The name given when referring to the sisters in the other zone all of whom are leaving this week. (Sister Cherkas, Sister Sylvester, and Sister Mark)) pulled me aside they first asked me what I felt I needed and I told them about not feeling the spirit consistently and while talking it our it dawned on me what the problem was. Those moments I didn't have the spirit with me were the moments that I was speaking out in desire of the praise of the world. 

I have always struggled with pride. It's my greatest vice and I realized this week that if I want the Holy Ghost to truly be my companion I was going to have to get over my desire to be seen and heard for my own benefit. It was a humbling revelation and I have been fasting and praying about it both on Sunday and then today I started fasting for revelations on what exactly it is that I need to 'spiritually fast' from if I want to have that power with me in my day to day life. I know fasting twice in a row isn't the best for me but in the temple this morning I felt a strong impression that this is what I needed to do. I'm going to find a way to have the Holy Ghost as my constant companion and I am so excited for the day that I can truly be an instrument in the Lord's hands. Already he has given me so much. After starting my fast on Sunday, part of which was to get over my pride, another part to have the opportunity to lovingly let my district know that there was something wrong, and just a little bit to be able to take faster showers. I got an answer to my district prayer in district meeting where I felt impressed to tell them what was going on. I'm not sure it fixed everything but now they are actively trying to be better and that's really what it takes. I'm also trying to be a more positive person and that's been helping me so much in my day to day life. 

I hope this letter wasn't too rambly. and I hope you know that I really and truly believe that the people in my district were called off God and will make amazing missionaries. I have learned to fight off my pride and hopefully as I start my 'spiritual fast' tomorrow I will be able to report to you next week how my progress is going. 

God be with you till we meet again. 

-Sister Savannah Skinner